London, UK
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR APOLOGIZES, CLOSES THEATRE AFTER PRODUCING A WONDERFUL PLAY
Opening night of STAGE & STUFF’s new American play LOOFAH was a surprise, not only for its audience, but for the artistic director and its staff. So much so, that Shar Berg De Lump, Artistic Director of Stage & Stuff has announced that not only will the play close immediately, but the theatre as well.
De Lump explains “I have no other choice but to close it. When I picked Loofah for this slot, I expected it to live up to its promise. I mean, it’s about a wet sponge and the people who share it. That’s the show I signed up for. That is not what I got. “
When pressed for specifics, De Lump added “Well, I won’t go into too many specifics, but tonight at the show, the dialogue was tight, the characters were vibrant and active. The connective tissue was elegantly woven throughout and the end was highly illuminating. I blame the playwright for this.”
The young up and coming playwright Jepson Shmeer, could not immediately be reached for comment.
Ruth Baluba, ardent theatre goer and longtime subscriber to Stage & Stuff recounts her experience of that fated opening night.
“My husband and I were in shock. It was unlike anything we’ve ever witnessed on this stage before. It was…good. And we go to everything. Productions, workshops, readings, even the ones in Queens. Our whole night was thrown off by the show.”
Ruth’s husband Stanley Baluba, gently took her hand as she struggled to fight back tears.
“I mean, first this play, then the people handing out those comedy flyers in Times Square, who normally harass us, decided not to. It’s as if they could sense we had just come from a place of quality. And then to top it off, all three of our trains showed up right on cue. Even the G train! The G train! I’m still confused by that.”
Indeed, it seemed the rest of the audience shared in Ruth Baluba’s confusion. House Manager Connie Greenberg pointed out “No one fell asleep. Even our season subscriber Two-Minute Tony. He’s called that because he’s lights out within the first two minutes of every play he attends here. But tonight, he sat straight up, alert, eyes darting side to side like a hunting beagle. During intermission, no one left to use the restroom, not even Cecil Peckinpaw, who has an excitable liver. After the play ended, the four people in our audience didn’t know what hit them. They were so confused, they didn’t even know how to exit the theater. This simply cannot happen again.”
Later at the opening night party, lamenting over a bowl of stale goldfish, Mr. De Lump offered up some insight into the process of developing Loofah. “Well, there was no process. Our dramaturg, after the first read through actually said to me ‘Shar, I’m no longer needed here. This play…it just makes sense.’ I knew right then our young Mr. Jepson had been secretly making revisions of the play. Reflecting back, yes, I would say the signs were pretty clear. I guess I just chose to ignore them.”
When asked how he would respond to the drastic turn of events at Stage & Stuff, Mr. De Lump had this to say. “It was always my dream to guide this theatre company into mediocrity. The promise of presenting tepid and unengaging work was one I thought I could easily fulfill. Today I have broken that promise. This fell under my watch. Therefore it is my responsibility…nay, duty to address this in a timely manner and offer my deepest apologies to all four of our subscribers. But an apology is not enough. It’s just words. It is not action. And I am a man of action. So immediately I will not only shut down this production but the theater as well. It’s clear after tonight, the theater is dead.” When asked to pinpoint the exact cause of De Lump’s theater’s demise, he uttered only three words:
“Death by Loofah.”
CALLAN STOUT
New York, NY
Even as a little girl on a beautiful Caribbean cruise, Callan was sad because even then she knew she had to grow up and become a playwright. She is the co-founder of the Cockpit Writers Group, which just emphasises how much sadder it is for women to be playwrights. She studied dramatic writing at NYU, where her student loan debt just makes her more sad. She also didn’t think a BFA in plawrighting was quite a useless enough degree, so she went to Scotland and studied Folklore, earning and MLitt (she’d never heard of the designation before either) in Folklore and Ethnology.
The second part being an academic subject she thought had gone by the wayside. Sadly, either degree has helped her get more of plays on stages. But she does have two children’s plays published by youthplays.com and she’s had some readings in London, LA and New York.
Bring her some cheer, by visiting her online at www.callanstout.com or sending her bird noises via twitter @callanstout
NATALIA NAMAN
Boston, MA
I’m NATALIA NAMAN, currently based in Boston. I’m sad because not all cafes refill coffee for free which makes writing away from home too expensive for my liking. Also, who the hell doesn’t have free wifi these days?! I’m happy about a lot of other things, but this is neither the time nor place. www.natalianaman.com
CAITLIN SAYLOR STEPHENS
Brooklyn, NY
Caitlin is a sad playwright who is always starving. Starving for a man.
Starving for a career. Starving for a bagel. She writes because each play
is a tiny sandwich of hope that feeds the hunger inside of her.
https://twitter.com/caitlinsaylor
EMMA DEGRAND
Brooklyn, NY
Emma DeGrand is currently based in Brooklyn, where her whole entire bedroom is her closet. In May she is producing a dance play at WOW Cafe Theatre. It’s her first play. It’s also her first dance play. Emma cannot dance. She likes to dress like a lumberjack and listen to the original Les Miserables soundtrack. Once Emma wrote erotica and her friend said “Good job!”
ZHU YI
New York, NY / Shanghai, China
ZHU Yi is a bilingual sad playwright, originally from China, where her play got censored 3 times in a row in the last half year. Since she never learnt to swim, ice-skate, ski, drive, bike or smoke weed (The thing she does best is writing on bed), she pierced her ears for the first time in her mid-20s to prove that she is a hard core and free soul. She has been an MFA playwright candidate at Columbia University for 4.5 years, in that way she can happily/sadly keep her student visa. She is also an Emerging Artist Fellow at New York Theatre Workshop and a drop of Youngblood at Ensemble Studio Theatre, where her tons of grammar mistakes are tolerated. http://zoezhu.com
Credits:
Film: “Unpolitical Romance” (Taipei Golden Horse Film Festival, Taiwan), “Scrape” (Alcances Film Festival, Spain; Beijing Independent Film Festival, China). Stage plays: I AM A MOON (Edinburgh Fringe Festival, UK; Mu Ma Theater, China; 3LD Art and Technology Center, NYC), EVOLUTIONISM OR A SHORTCUT (Manhattan Rep; Schapiro Theatre, NYC), LIFETIME FAIRYTALE (Riverside Theatre, NYC).
MERIDITH FRIEDMAN
Brooklyn, NY
This is sad Meridith during her sad college years. She was probably sad because her overdecorated dorm room wall was giving her a migraine. Meridith now lives in a three bedroom in Brooklyn with two equally sad pals from college (one is an actress, the other one helps rich people improve their resumes…hence all the sadness). You can read more about Meridith’s sad life and sad career atwww.meridithfriedman.com.
JEREMY GABLE
Philadelphia, PA
Jeremy has not won any awards for his playwriting. His works have premiered in Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Washington DC and Twitter, and still no one will buy him a drink. He works an office job to pay the bills, and some days, he actually enjoys it. He is no closer to figuring out anything than he was 10 years ago. And he actually likes “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”.
ANDREW MASSEY
Brooklyn, NY
Andrew is sad because he just moved to Brooklyn from Maine and he finds them quite different. Neither the Brooklyn Bridge nor his chest hair seem to be cheering him up. He recently graduated from Vassar College and has a couple of workshop productions upcoming. He can also be seen seeming sad and lost in various places about the city. Just the other day a stranger he was walking past yelled at him to smile. He didn’t.
MADDIE GAW
Currently CURRENTLY Poughkeepsie NY, but during the school year Bronxville NY
Originally from the great state of Maryland, Maddie Gaw was always a theatre-maker and a writer, but she never thought to seriously marry the two until her sophomore year of college. When she’s not jealously crying over her more productive friends who have shows in the Fringe, she spits out 15 page or 130 page plays—she sort of has a thing about extremes. She also works as a sound designer, in a desperate attempt to develop a more marketable theatrical skill (but also because it’s awesome).
MIKE CZUBA
Calgary, Alberta
Mike Czuba is a sad playwright because he’s not back in his home of Montreal, where it’s ok to be sad. Not hipster sad, actual sadness.
http://dancingmonkeytheatre.wordpress.com/
